am I going Insane now?

I understand your belief and why you rather not face the fact your ancestors murdered the son of G-d. He broke Jewish laws, thus blasphemy, and didn't commit to the signs your ancestors were promised. But the Almighty is who he is. He can do as he pleases, he can change the rules as a way of testing commitment. Ofc, they assumed they passed the test. Yet they failed horribly. Seeing the daily acts of Romans, they felt all Gentiles were the same perverted violent beasts. Not to mention the "other" Gents. So why in all of creation would the Lord forgive those animals and especially, bring them into Heaven! Ouchie mouchie. They rather not face those people in the afterlife.

Forgiveness and tolerance, those rabbis failed to achieve. Yet the Almighty still forgave. That's true power.
I am too stressed right now to answer in detail but I have no real reason to cling to any fake messiah
 
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I am too stressed right now to answer in detail but I have no real reason to cling to Any fske messiah
I understand. You could lose so much. It could spoil future crops. Family is persistent. Rather not alienate oneself from the house.
 
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